I want to talk about the important mechanisms of our psyche. If you don’t know how they work, emotional pain will be repeated many times during your life and there will be nothing you can do about it.
At the end of this article, I will describe a simple, yet very useful technique. On an entry level, it will help to release emotional pain.
The first mechanism is what we inherited from our distant ancestors. We can call it the animal and most primitive reaction of our psyche to external stimuli. Despite the fact that we are no longer living in the Stone Age, this mechanism, as the most ancient one, works very strongly, influencing each of us.
This mechanism is called “Hit, Run or Freeze. It must be said that in the life of an animal in a constantly dangerous environment, this mechanism is very useful. When an animal senses physical danger, it either aggressively attacks, tries to destroy the source of danger, or runs away from danger, or pretends to be dead so as not to be touched.
But the point is that we don’t live the life of animals. In most situations in life, our tasks are quite different, there is no physical danger, but there are spiritual tasks, which are on a completely different plane.
Solving spiritual problems makes us human. And avoiding solutions not only throws us down the evolutionary ladder, but ultimately leads to more suffering.
In humans, “Hit, Run or Freeze” manifests itself in another way. A strong desire to run away from everything that brings discomfort and pain. And an equally strong desire for the most vivid and intense pleasure of any nature. And here, in the language of images, lurks the Devil!
Now let’s deal with the second mechanism. What is emotional pain, where does it come from?
Emotional pain is a negative program written in our subconsciousness, and our subconsciousness wants to live through this program over and over again until it is lived through completely.
For example: the pain of betrayal, the pain of loneliness, the pain of abandonment. Subconsciousness will specifically look for those people, those circumstances, in which these scenarios will be played like a familiar tune from an old record.
Note the most interesting part. What I am about to write is extremely important to understand! When someone starts to activate our negative programs, and we ourselves subconsciously skillfully create all the conditions for this, the mechanism of “avoiding pain at all costs” is immediately activated.
On the one hand, subconsciousness wants to explore and live through this negative scenario to the end, gather experience and enter a new, more harmonious round of development. On the other hand, the passionate desire to avoid pain “Hit, Run or Freeze” comes into play.
Instead of consciously stepping into the pain and completing this negative scenario, we begin either to attack the person we consider the source of our emotional pain, or we try to escape: either to break up the relationship, or as it is now fashionable to “build boundaries,” or simply to cut off unpleasant contact. And for a while it even works. Until the next cycle of living the same scenario.
You can run for years, even decades. In the end, the situation will be such that it will be impossible to escape, and you will have to live this scenario in the harshest form. The subconscious will win in any case.
Another disadvantage of avoidance is that it is the unlived pain that keeps our dreams of happiness from coming true. Until the negative scenarios are completely eradicated, many things in life will remain unavailable. Or available temporarily, and then comes loss and pain.
It is also important to understand that living with pain is a process that has nothing to do with simple patience. Patience, like running, is pointless. There are very good techniques for resolving negative scenarios as quickly as possible. But they need to be learned under the guidance of professionals.
I want to share a basic technique. Mastering it will already lead to greater understanding and relief.
The technique consists of two steps.
Step one: at that moment when some person has caused you emotional pain and you just want to run away, you have to stop yourself and realize that the animal mechanism has been activated. It’s not going to be easy.
There will be a lot of tension and thoughts like, “Why do I need all this? It’s his fault! I’m right and he’s wrong!” Your mind will start frantically convincing you that the whole reason is that scumbag who is being so unkind to you. It’s all part of a powerful animal mechanism.
Step two: take a pen and paper and start writing out in great detail everything you feel and think about this situation. Imagine writing a detailed report as a researcher on what happens to a person in this situation. Write everything from sensations in the body, to images, to thoughts, to emotions. Write for a long time, until you are relieved.